Shopping Thinner!!!

So if you know me personally you know I love to shop. I am a girl, I love fashion, I like looking good and i LOVE finding bargains. At my biggest finding bargains was super hard to do, plus-size clothing just costs more and there is less of a selection, it is just a sad fact. Even though the woman in the United States (and western Europe and Australia) are getting bigger there is still not much of a selection out there for us curvy, bigger ladies and it sucks.









Shopping at 430lbs was a challenge, but I still loved it. I never got weepy or sad when I went shopping, there was just less of a selection. Don't get me wrong it sucked that the ONLY place I could buy jeans was Lane Bryant and only one style of those jeans AND they were getting tight. I always thought I looked good, and I liked to dress well. Dressing well when you are big is very expensive, I would do it but it made things difficult.









Now I'm no longer a size 30 jean (yes I said size 30, not the inches size, in inches i had a waist of of about 50 inches and hips of about 63 inches.) I'm a size 14 - a size 18 jean depending on where I buy them and I haven't been inside Lane Bryant in at least two months.









So like everything else in my life I'm having to learn how to shop thinner. Before if I tried on something cool and fashion forward if it fit i was ecstatic and I bought it. Nothing probably looked good on me per say, but if it didn't look horrible I got it. Now that I have a better selection I am more choosy in what I buy. Most shirts fit me now, I'm a size Large to Medium and I can pretty much walk into ANY store and find something that will fit, that I like, that I can buy and it is the most liberating feeling in the world.









Being thinner is also saving me money, the cheapest jeans at Lane Bryant are 50 bucks, now I can get a pair at most stores and I don't spend over 30 bucks now. I go shopping a lot with a friend of mine who is a size 4 and I am still amazed that we can both go into Macy's and find the same dress for both of us her in an XS and me in a Large. I had never been able to do that before. I love it! I am a fashionista at heart and it is nice to become more normal sized and being able to find clothes easier.









For me being able to buy smaller clothing is a huge motivator. No doubt in my mind at the end of this journey I am going to be a curvy girl, my boobs are still big (36 DD) and I have a big butt, the more I climb the StairMaster the rounder and higher and bigger it seems to get. I now have a 37 inch waist and 47 inch hips, which is a lot of inches down. I can't wait till my jeans aren't plus size at all ( I want to be a general size 8 pant) and I can buy EVERYTHING on sale.









Shopping is one of the things I take great pleasure in being smaller, it may not bring you the same kind of pleasure, the trick is to find what makes you happy and what you like to do smaller that you couldn't do heavier, maybe it's running or playing with your kids, or maybe it's bedroom time with you spouse. Whatever it is find it, embrace it, and don't let it go because it will help you maintain your healthier lifestyle and it will help keep you going strong no matter what!!!

Benchmarking Our Lives

So in case you didn't know I am six months away from turning 30, wow it's very crazy if you think about it. I'm not at a place in my life where i thought I would be when I was like 20. If you asked me at 20 where i would be at 30 I would've said I'd be, successful, employed, fabulous, living in a big city anywhere but in Texas, married, probably a couple of kids and a house. All of this is not where I am, I'm still in school, I'm single with no long-term relationship on the horizon, no children (besides my doggy children), still living in small town Texas, I do have jobs but not career type jobs and I'm still living with my parents. We tend to gauge our lives by where we are "supposed" to be and by where our friends are. I am at the age where my friends are getting married and having kids and at times I feel kinda left behind.

I don't want this to sound all woe is me, because that's not me. I love my life, I love who I am, I love what I've accomplished but I can't help but feel left out at times. I've decided to put my school kind off again this semester (I'm only going to go part time) because I really need to finish getting my final 80 lbs off before my 30th birthday in six months. I kind of feel like I'm prolonging my real life by doing this, but I also know it would be a wasted semester anyway.

Being on this journey I have learned about so much more than just how to lose weight and keep it off. This journey has taught me so much about life, love, relationships, people and how I fit into this world. I've reached a point in my life where a LOT of my close friends are finding their soul mates and getting married and are having babies, and I am happy for them but a part of me is like hey what about me! We tend to benchmark our lives, a lot like I mark my weight loss, however life does not work on a schedule. Even if I had finished school at 21 or 22 I still wouldn't be were my friends are in their personal lives because how can you share your life with someone if you don't know who you are? That was me my entire 20's, living day to day slowly sabotaging myself because I didn't know who I was.

" Life doesn't deal the hand you want, it deals the hand you need. Whether you believe it, accept it, want it or not, it is what it is. Be content with your own hand. STOP trying to rush life, just let it happen. Learn to live out the life dealt. What will be, will be!"-Antonio Talbert

I think that quote is perfect, one of my best friend's in the world who is marrying her Prince Charming in May constantly talks about wanting to send a thank you card to all her Ex-Boyfriends thanking them for not wasting her time and teaching her what not to look for. I think this is kind of great. I don't regret anything in my life, because I learned from it. I learned I was really unhappy at 430 pounds and that i wasn't living I was existing. No more existing for me, I'm going to live. I'm going to have that amazing full filling career, plan and had have that ridiculously expensive wedding to my Prince Charming when he does decide to appear and sweep me off my feet and I will have a couple of great kids. I just probably won't have them by 30 and that's okay. It's my life and I make the rules.

Life is hard, no one promises you happiness you have to find it. Do I know exactly what I want? Not completely, but I know I know myself a little bit better now at 245lbs than I did at 430lbs, so things change and I'm single at 29 years old and that's okay. I'm almost done with school, am I gonna go to medical school like was my mom's dream? Nope and I'm totally okay with that I'm gonna work on making me happy and when I am happy that's when I know this journey will be over. So here is to the next six months, because by July 12th, the day I turn 30 I will be 180 pounds (or darn close to it) and I will know more about me and I will be one day closer to the rest of my life. So here's to never settling, never giving up (or figuring out) our dreams and going strong no matter what.

Embracing who we are!

Heeeey strangers, long time no talk. I have had a crazy busy couple of weeks. Some stuff has been really cool and a week ago I decided to organize a charity 5k for March and I've spent the last week trying to get that all in order (not having much luck, the week flew by!) but I've missed blogging! I've had numerous ideas that I should blog about, but didn't have the time to blog about :(. But I'm back, and I kinda want to talk about embracing who we are.





I have a lot of friends that have lost weight, one that's lost a whole person and then some like me and several who've lost you know 50 or 60 lbs. Significant amounts of weight and I've noticed I'm the only one that embraces my fat photos. I don't understand it, I am so proud of the weight I've lost, it's like graduating from college proud or having a baby proud. This journey is so hard, it is hard to lose any kind of weight and keep it off. I don't understand why my friends are so ashamed of their fat photos. It's like a hidden secret that they never want to admit that it happened. That to me is kind of scary, in that if we don't learn from our past we are destined to repeat it kind of way. Maybe that's why I keep my fat photos on Facebook, they are a reminder of what I never want to be again. I never want to be that girl hiding behind the extra cushion and not living her life to the fullest, at 430 pounds there was so much in my life I could not do.



I actually think the problem is two fold, one is shame and the other is we focus way to much on how we look as a society. The shame is silly. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you're over weight, especially if you were overweight and are smaller now or are actively working to change your lifestyle. The only thing that is bad about being bigger is the detriment it has on your health, we should all want to lead healthy life styles because it allows us to lead fuller, longer lives.





Beauty is relative, and true beauty comes from within. I was talking with a friend of mine whose lost and kept off about fifty pounds for the last three years or so. Generally when we hang out we talk about men, fitness and shopping and for some reason these topics never get old. We started looking at old pictures of each other and her response to a picture of me at 430 pounds, was I never realized you were that big. Then I looked at an old picture of her and said the same basic thing, something along the lines of I always thought she was beautiful and she replied "I guess love is really blind." I don't think it is that love is blind, but instead we don't love the outer parts of people. Yes there is such a thing as attraction (especially in romantic love) but you don't LOVE attraction. A really beautiful person become super ugly super fast based on their personality and an average looking person will become more beautiful if they have an awesome spirit.


I think we forget this and are way to hard on ourselves. Like if we go out with our friends and have an awesome time, but feel like the pictures taken that night are blah it shouldn't matter, our friends, family all the people who love us love us FOR us. Life is about memories, not about how we look, when we are 80 looking at the photos from our 25th birthday party it won't be "look at hot fat i was" or "that dress was horrible" it will be "look at how young we were and how happy we were". I am constantly stressing about imaginary back fat ( I always ask does my back look fat in this, and it never does) but it doesn't matter. To the people who love me I am beautiful, my friends and loved ones are just as beautiful to me. Perfection is boring and overrated, true beauty lies in our flaws. So lets embrace our past, be proud of our accomplishments, know that our true beauty comes from the inside not the outside, be healthy and always go strong not matter what!