Benchmarking Our Lives

So in case you didn't know I am six months away from turning 30, wow it's very crazy if you think about it. I'm not at a place in my life where i thought I would be when I was like 20. If you asked me at 20 where i would be at 30 I would've said I'd be, successful, employed, fabulous, living in a big city anywhere but in Texas, married, probably a couple of kids and a house. All of this is not where I am, I'm still in school, I'm single with no long-term relationship on the horizon, no children (besides my doggy children), still living in small town Texas, I do have jobs but not career type jobs and I'm still living with my parents. We tend to gauge our lives by where we are "supposed" to be and by where our friends are. I am at the age where my friends are getting married and having kids and at times I feel kinda left behind.

I don't want this to sound all woe is me, because that's not me. I love my life, I love who I am, I love what I've accomplished but I can't help but feel left out at times. I've decided to put my school kind off again this semester (I'm only going to go part time) because I really need to finish getting my final 80 lbs off before my 30th birthday in six months. I kind of feel like I'm prolonging my real life by doing this, but I also know it would be a wasted semester anyway.

Being on this journey I have learned about so much more than just how to lose weight and keep it off. This journey has taught me so much about life, love, relationships, people and how I fit into this world. I've reached a point in my life where a LOT of my close friends are finding their soul mates and getting married and are having babies, and I am happy for them but a part of me is like hey what about me! We tend to benchmark our lives, a lot like I mark my weight loss, however life does not work on a schedule. Even if I had finished school at 21 or 22 I still wouldn't be were my friends are in their personal lives because how can you share your life with someone if you don't know who you are? That was me my entire 20's, living day to day slowly sabotaging myself because I didn't know who I was.

" Life doesn't deal the hand you want, it deals the hand you need. Whether you believe it, accept it, want it or not, it is what it is. Be content with your own hand. STOP trying to rush life, just let it happen. Learn to live out the life dealt. What will be, will be!"-Antonio Talbert

I think that quote is perfect, one of my best friend's in the world who is marrying her Prince Charming in May constantly talks about wanting to send a thank you card to all her Ex-Boyfriends thanking them for not wasting her time and teaching her what not to look for. I think this is kind of great. I don't regret anything in my life, because I learned from it. I learned I was really unhappy at 430 pounds and that i wasn't living I was existing. No more existing for me, I'm going to live. I'm going to have that amazing full filling career, plan and had have that ridiculously expensive wedding to my Prince Charming when he does decide to appear and sweep me off my feet and I will have a couple of great kids. I just probably won't have them by 30 and that's okay. It's my life and I make the rules.

Life is hard, no one promises you happiness you have to find it. Do I know exactly what I want? Not completely, but I know I know myself a little bit better now at 245lbs than I did at 430lbs, so things change and I'm single at 29 years old and that's okay. I'm almost done with school, am I gonna go to medical school like was my mom's dream? Nope and I'm totally okay with that I'm gonna work on making me happy and when I am happy that's when I know this journey will be over. So here is to the next six months, because by July 12th, the day I turn 30 I will be 180 pounds (or darn close to it) and I will know more about me and I will be one day closer to the rest of my life. So here's to never settling, never giving up (or figuring out) our dreams and going strong no matter what.

I have never blogged before, or ever really felt the need to blog, but now i need an outlet. In April of 2010 I decided I was going to change my life, I was 28 years old and I weighed over 400 pounds. I know that right there sounds very sad, but I was never a sad person. I had great friends, boyfriends (not all at once), awesome jobs, in college, active in a sorority, all in all I had no real complaints about life. But then I saw my self in some pictures from a friend's wedding in January of 2010 and I thought "oh wow, when did I get soooo big?" I have been a big girl my entire life, at birth I weighed almost eleven pounds, then i was a chubby child, a chunky pre-pubescent kid, a fat teenager, and now a morbidly obese nearly thirty adult. So when my college opened up a new state of the art gym, and my friend wanted to start going I jumped at the chance, I started going to the gym and I just haven't stopped.

Now here I am a 16 months later, 135 pounds lighter (still need to lose 100 pounds) and I'm loving it. I never realized what i was missing out on weighing over 400 pounds, the simple things like going hiking or even just walking around the mall without my feet hurting. Or being able to fit in movie theatre seats or not needing extenders for airplane belts.

So this blog is going to be about the journey through the next 100 pounds, i know it's going to be a lot harder than the first 135 pounds, but I'm up for the challenge. I'm hoping this will become a forum of sorts, so i don't completely drive my loved ones crazy, a place where I can talk about and work through all the problems that come from making such a life altering change. So if your still reading buckle-up because I'm sure it's gonna be an interesting ride!