Hey guys this has been a very rough week for me. Typically I try and make my blog witty and informative, but I think today it's just gonna be me doing a bit of soul barring to you guys. I think sometimes I am almost two people, because save for one or two people I bet if you asked most of the people in my life if I was having a bad week they would say "nah not Laura I saw her Friday night and she looked really happy." Well that's just not the case, and as a matter of fact I was so low this week I didn't feel like going to the gym two days, shocking I know but it's true I took Thursday and Friday off from the gym for a little personal healing time. Did it work? I'm not sure, but I went back to the gym on Saturday so I didn't let my blues completely ruin my routine, but I just needed some time.
I don't think I'm the only person in the world who gets low this time of the year, I think a lot of us do and learning how to cope with it is a struggle. I'm not a holidays type person, they don't make me happy, I hate the pressure and I loath the music. This year I think is worse because I am so food and health conscious. Last year I pigged out and this year I refuse, so we are scaling back Thanksgiving. I don't come from a big family and honestly my father will probably work through the day so no huge feasts for us, some turkey breast, some dressing and lots of veggies. Honestly I'm looking forward to the dressing it's something I avoid most of the time but it is a holiday so I am gonna treat myself a bit.
This stress I've been putting on myself this week also hasn't been good for my weight-loss (stress is a sure way for me not to lose weight) and this week I only lost a pound. I need to figure out a way out of this funk I'm in, I'm tired and sad and a bunch of other non-fun, stress inducing adjectives. I know I'll get through and hell it's probably just hormones, but this has been a really crappy couple of days. So I'm just gonna go back to the routine of things, gym, friends, family. Get through the holidays with no weight gain (my goal), survive shopping on black Friday (never gone before but I kinda need a new laptop), and try and remember my own motto, go strong no matter what.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Life's Little Pleasures.
Hola my friends! How are you doing today? I've had a not so hot week, including getting the flu and a sick car... So gym time was abbreviated this week, one thing I am grateful for is my car being in the shop the same days I felt like a corpse and needed to sleep 18 hours a day. Today I am feeling mucho better, my car is well again and well back to the gym I go after work. This week while i was laying in bed with a box of tissues and snuggling some NyQuil I was thinking about all the things that are easier now that I don't have an extra person worth of fat attached to my body. I think it's the little things that really make this process worth while.
At my biggest I drove a tiny little truck (a Nissan frontier king cab) not a lot of room right, and even with the seat all the way back the steering wheel would still rub the bottom of my stomach, so much so that I would get thin spots in my jeans from where the steering wheel rubbed. I don't know how I ever was okay with this, how I ever thought oh I'm not that big. This week i had to get in said truck ( i now drive a Ford Fusion, but I kept the truck cause it's always good to have a truck ya know) to jump off my car and talk about room to spare! It was insane, driving is so much easier now, and turning around to yell at my dogs in the back seat when we are on a trip is no problem. Even after I got my much more roomier car, I still couldn't like bend over if my cell phone fell on the floor board at my feet. Now I can no problem. I don't have to pull over anymore to retrieve it (even if I should). Adjusting my seat? At 430 pounds? There was no wedging my fat arm in between the seat and the door I would have to open the door to adjust my seat, now since my arm isn't the size of gigantic sausage i can move my seat back and forth with the door closed. When I first made this realization I called my mom in tears I was so happy, because I had never been able to do that all before. When I realized I could do that I felt like I had truly accomplished something in my life.
Movie theatre seats, I hated going to the movies at 430 pounds. I would go, and wedge myself in the seats and have bruises, huge ugly bruises on my hips and the sides of my stomach. Of course I never told anyone this, it was just a sad fact at my size. Booths in restaurants, I would fit in them (or most) but my boobs would cover my plate making it hard to eat. Now i have a lot less stomach and sadly a lot less boobs (the one part of my body that I am actually remorseful to see shrinking). I think the most embarrassing seating issue i had at 430 pounds was at my university. There were usually two types of desk-chairs, the regular sized one that I did not fit in at all (again more bruising on my stomach when I had to wedge myself in one) and the bigger ones that I did fit in. Sadly there was usually only two or three bigger ones per class and were always in high demand. So I would have to get to class early to get a seat I fit in. Now i don't have to worry about any of these problems. Movie seats I fit in comfortably, booths, typically if I'm out with a friend or a loved one who knew me big I'm usually like "oohhh look at all this room i have between the the table and my belly, my belly is getting smaller" and they laugh, but it's a major accomplishment for me. As for the bruises I am happy to say I haven't had any of those in awhile and I'm loving it.
Sex, 'lets talk about sex baby', sex is much much easier 150 pounds lighter. I am the kind of girl that really enjoys sex, and I had boyfriends at 430 pounds, and trust me I never let my weight bother me in the bedroom. I totally lived under the philosophy of well if he wants to have sex with me he must want to see me naked, so I was never shy once he got me in the bedroom, but logistically there were somethings I could not do, or were uncomfortable. For example, sex standing up, even braced up against something at my biggest was not possible. A few months back, like August, I had sex standing up. I was in the middle of having my heart broken, but utterly ecstatic that I had sex standing up! I remember I was shopping at Dillard's and my friend called to ask how I was doing with said imposing break up and I told her "well I'm devastated that he's gonna break my heart, but upside when I saw him last night we totally did it standing up, I was always to fat for that!" So even through a really sad time, I could take joy in the fact that all my hard work at the gym was paying off!
Whether your 200 pounds over weight or 50 pounds, there is stuff that that extra weight holds us back from doing, whether it's playing with our kids for extended periods of time, feeling more comfortable out in public at the movies or at school or being able to fit on roller coasters (again something I couldn't do at 430 pounds) or being super sexy in the bedroom. We shouldn't let a little (or a lot) of weight hold us back from living our lives. I know I am more alive now, because I am more fit and I can do more and really enjoy my life and I can't wait to see what life has in store for me at 180 pounds compared to 260 pounds. So just remember that it's your life and you're the one responsible for it and always go strong no matter what!
At my biggest I drove a tiny little truck (a Nissan frontier king cab) not a lot of room right, and even with the seat all the way back the steering wheel would still rub the bottom of my stomach, so much so that I would get thin spots in my jeans from where the steering wheel rubbed. I don't know how I ever was okay with this, how I ever thought oh I'm not that big. This week i had to get in said truck ( i now drive a Ford Fusion, but I kept the truck cause it's always good to have a truck ya know) to jump off my car and talk about room to spare! It was insane, driving is so much easier now, and turning around to yell at my dogs in the back seat when we are on a trip is no problem. Even after I got my much more roomier car, I still couldn't like bend over if my cell phone fell on the floor board at my feet. Now I can no problem. I don't have to pull over anymore to retrieve it (even if I should). Adjusting my seat? At 430 pounds? There was no wedging my fat arm in between the seat and the door I would have to open the door to adjust my seat, now since my arm isn't the size of gigantic sausage i can move my seat back and forth with the door closed. When I first made this realization I called my mom in tears I was so happy, because I had never been able to do that all before. When I realized I could do that I felt like I had truly accomplished something in my life.
Movie theatre seats, I hated going to the movies at 430 pounds. I would go, and wedge myself in the seats and have bruises, huge ugly bruises on my hips and the sides of my stomach. Of course I never told anyone this, it was just a sad fact at my size. Booths in restaurants, I would fit in them (or most) but my boobs would cover my plate making it hard to eat. Now i have a lot less stomach and sadly a lot less boobs (the one part of my body that I am actually remorseful to see shrinking). I think the most embarrassing seating issue i had at 430 pounds was at my university. There were usually two types of desk-chairs, the regular sized one that I did not fit in at all (again more bruising on my stomach when I had to wedge myself in one) and the bigger ones that I did fit in. Sadly there was usually only two or three bigger ones per class and were always in high demand. So I would have to get to class early to get a seat I fit in. Now i don't have to worry about any of these problems. Movie seats I fit in comfortably, booths, typically if I'm out with a friend or a loved one who knew me big I'm usually like "oohhh look at all this room i have between the the table and my belly, my belly is getting smaller" and they laugh, but it's a major accomplishment for me. As for the bruises I am happy to say I haven't had any of those in awhile and I'm loving it.
Sex, 'lets talk about sex baby', sex is much much easier 150 pounds lighter. I am the kind of girl that really enjoys sex, and I had boyfriends at 430 pounds, and trust me I never let my weight bother me in the bedroom. I totally lived under the philosophy of well if he wants to have sex with me he must want to see me naked, so I was never shy once he got me in the bedroom, but logistically there were somethings I could not do, or were uncomfortable. For example, sex standing up, even braced up against something at my biggest was not possible. A few months back, like August, I had sex standing up. I was in the middle of having my heart broken, but utterly ecstatic that I had sex standing up! I remember I was shopping at Dillard's and my friend called to ask how I was doing with said imposing break up and I told her "well I'm devastated that he's gonna break my heart, but upside when I saw him last night we totally did it standing up, I was always to fat for that!" So even through a really sad time, I could take joy in the fact that all my hard work at the gym was paying off!
Whether your 200 pounds over weight or 50 pounds, there is stuff that that extra weight holds us back from doing, whether it's playing with our kids for extended periods of time, feeling more comfortable out in public at the movies or at school or being able to fit on roller coasters (again something I couldn't do at 430 pounds) or being super sexy in the bedroom. We shouldn't let a little (or a lot) of weight hold us back from living our lives. I know I am more alive now, because I am more fit and I can do more and really enjoy my life and I can't wait to see what life has in store for me at 180 pounds compared to 260 pounds. So just remember that it's your life and you're the one responsible for it and always go strong no matter what!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Turning I can't into I CAN
So a few weeks back a friend of mine posted this on Facebook and I instantly stole it, printed it, and put it up on my bedroom wall. I think we all have people in our lives that tell us we can't, and we tell ourselves so often we can't, when actually we can. There really is nothing your body can't do it is our minds that get in the way.
When you say to yourself "I can't work out today" turn around and then ask your self "okay why can't I?". Are you in pain? Is your pain just regular soreness or what I call super soreness, a kind of soreness that can lead to injury. Regular sore? Go to the gym, do what you did yesterday but don't push for more. Super sore, i think you can still go to the gym (I do) and just do less. On my super sore days, I've been known to only do 30 min of cardio and go home. Did i burn a pound of fat that day? Nope, but i still fed my routine and keeping that routine in the long run is more important than pushing for burning that pound of fat.
Let's back up and say your "I can't" is I can't work out period, I don't have time. I call bull on this. Everyone has time, you just might have to give something up. Unless you work 16 hours a day, you have time to exercise. I've said it once and I will say it over and over again. YOU CAN FIND 30 MINUETS A DAY, FIVE DAYS A WEEK to do some cardio. Cut out one show a night, there is your 30 minutes. Get up 30 minutes before your kids do. I have a friend who gets up a full hour before her baby does to use her treadmill, I would get up at 5am to have breakfast to be at the gym at 6am before my 9am classes. Does it suck? Sometimes yes, do you have to go to bed earlier? Yes. But it is worth it. This is me taking away your excuses, your I can'ts.
Is your I can't a health problem? Completely possible. I was lucky even at 430 pounds I didn't have any health issues, you might. But staying inactive on the couch is only gonna make these health issues worse. Most communities have a public pool. Swimming is a very low impact, great cardio exercise. If you are very morbidly obese it is so good to work out in a pool because it does not hurt your joints. Can't swim? That's okay stay in the shallow end and hold on to the wall and kick your feet. You won't go anywhere, you wont drown and you will burn a lot of calories. Have trouble getting into and out of the pool? Most pools have the handicapped stairs now, if your public pool doesn't go to the one at your local college I bet it does. Not a student there? Get some courage go to the people who maintain the pool and ask if you can still use it. It is great community outreach for the university to let community members use their stuff, exemptions can be made. It is not expensive to go to these pools, 2 -5 bucks each time and you may be able to buy a cheaper pass. You don't have the extra 15 bucks a week, I bet you do. Don't buy some junk food. Give up Internet for awhile, give up the smart phone and the smart phone plan. Your health is way more important than checking your Facebook at will.
You can't eat better? Your husband won't like the food? I get so TIRED of this excuse. My dad threw a temper tantrum one night when I fed him tofu stir fry but only after he ate it. In all honesty your husband will not leave you for changing his diet along with yours. He may grumble, throw a fit but he wont leave, and girl if he does, seriously you are better off and you need to sell that story to lifetime, because that would make a crazy lifetime movie just sayin. Your children wont eat it? This makes me angry, as a parent it is your job to teach them good eating habits, and saying oh my child will only eat MacDonald's chicken nuggets is your fault not the child's. You need to work harder on feeding them good food. Saying a child will only eat junk is YOUR excuse to eat junk. Again they may not like it at first but they will eventually begin to like it and you are doing them a favor teaching them to eat good young, this is a skill they will take into adulthood. This is not to say I am advocating never giving your child a Happy Meal. No, Happy Meals are fun treats, but should be treated as such, a treat, not a daily source of nutrients.
Now some of you may chew me out on the kid stuff by saying "Laura you don't have kids, you don't understand." This is true I don't have children, however I was one, and my mom tried (somewhat in vain) to teach me to eat right and I learned a lot from that nutritional foundation. I am scared to think what I would have been like if I hadn't known how bad particular foods were for me and how good others are. When I was a child I would demand the bad foods also, they taste so good, but my mom just got pretty good at figuring out how to make bad foods a little healthier, and you can too. Your kids will eat the good stuff, when they get hungry enough. ;)
I think these are some of the major I cant's we go through in our lets get healthier lives. It's said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Well how about the road to a really big butt is paved with good work out intentions. The next time you say oh i just can't today, you need to turn to yourself and say watch me, and show your I cant's that you're gonna go strong no matter what.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Embracing who we are!
Heeeey strangers, long time no talk. I have had a crazy busy couple of weeks. Some stuff has been really cool and a week ago I decided to organize a charity 5k for March and I've spent the last week trying to get that all in order (not having much luck, the week flew by!) but I've missed blogging! I've had numerous ideas that I should blog about, but didn't have the time to blog about :(. But I'm back, and I kinda want to talk about embracing who we are.
I have a lot of friends that have lost weight, one that's lost a whole person and then some like me and several who've lost you know 50 or 60 lbs. Significant amounts of weight and I've noticed I'm the only one that embraces my fat photos. I don't understand it, I am so proud of the weight I've lost, it's like graduating from college proud or having a baby proud. This journey is so hard, it is hard to lose any kind of weight and keep it off. I don't understand why my friends are so ashamed of their fat photos. It's like a hidden secret that they never want to admit that it happened. That to me is kind of scary, in that if we don't learn from our past we are destined to repeat it kind of way. Maybe that's why I keep my fat photos on Facebook, they are a reminder of what I never want to be again. I never want to be that girl hiding behind the extra cushion and not living her life to the fullest, at 430 pounds there was so much in my life I could not do.
I actually think the problem is two fold, one is shame and the other is we focus way to much on how we look as a society. The shame is silly. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you're over weight, especially if you were overweight and are smaller now or are actively working to change your lifestyle. The only thing that is bad about being bigger is the detriment it has on your health, we should all want to lead healthy life styles because it allows us to lead fuller, longer lives.
Beauty is relative, and true beauty comes from within. I was talking with a friend of mine whose lost and kept off about fifty pounds for the last three years or so. Generally when we hang out we talk about men, fitness and shopping and for some reason these topics never get old. We started looking at old pictures of each other and her response to a picture of me at 430 pounds, was I never realized you were that big. Then I looked at an old picture of her and said the same basic thing, something along the lines of I always thought she was beautiful and she replied "I guess love is really blind." I don't think it is that love is blind, but instead we don't love the outer parts of people. Yes there is such a thing as attraction (especially in romantic love) but you don't LOVE attraction. A really beautiful person become super ugly super fast based on their personality and an average looking person will become more beautiful if they have an awesome spirit.
I think we forget this and are way to hard on ourselves. Like if we go out with our friends and have an awesome time, but feel like the pictures taken that night are blah it shouldn't matter, our friends, family all the people who love us love us FOR us. Life is about memories, not about how we look, when we are 80 looking at the photos from our 25th birthday party it won't be "look at hot fat i was" or "that dress was horrible" it will be "look at how young we were and how happy we were". I am constantly stressing about imaginary back fat ( I always ask does my back look fat in this, and it never does) but it doesn't matter. To the people who love me I am beautiful, my friends and loved ones are just as beautiful to me. Perfection is boring and overrated, true beauty lies in our flaws. So lets embrace our past, be proud of our accomplishments, know that our true beauty comes from the inside not the outside, be healthy and always go strong not matter what!
I have a lot of friends that have lost weight, one that's lost a whole person and then some like me and several who've lost you know 50 or 60 lbs. Significant amounts of weight and I've noticed I'm the only one that embraces my fat photos. I don't understand it, I am so proud of the weight I've lost, it's like graduating from college proud or having a baby proud. This journey is so hard, it is hard to lose any kind of weight and keep it off. I don't understand why my friends are so ashamed of their fat photos. It's like a hidden secret that they never want to admit that it happened. That to me is kind of scary, in that if we don't learn from our past we are destined to repeat it kind of way. Maybe that's why I keep my fat photos on Facebook, they are a reminder of what I never want to be again. I never want to be that girl hiding behind the extra cushion and not living her life to the fullest, at 430 pounds there was so much in my life I could not do.
I actually think the problem is two fold, one is shame and the other is we focus way to much on how we look as a society. The shame is silly. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you're over weight, especially if you were overweight and are smaller now or are actively working to change your lifestyle. The only thing that is bad about being bigger is the detriment it has on your health, we should all want to lead healthy life styles because it allows us to lead fuller, longer lives.
Beauty is relative, and true beauty comes from within. I was talking with a friend of mine whose lost and kept off about fifty pounds for the last three years or so. Generally when we hang out we talk about men, fitness and shopping and for some reason these topics never get old. We started looking at old pictures of each other and her response to a picture of me at 430 pounds, was I never realized you were that big. Then I looked at an old picture of her and said the same basic thing, something along the lines of I always thought she was beautiful and she replied "I guess love is really blind." I don't think it is that love is blind, but instead we don't love the outer parts of people. Yes there is such a thing as attraction (especially in romantic love) but you don't LOVE attraction. A really beautiful person become super ugly super fast based on their personality and an average looking person will become more beautiful if they have an awesome spirit.
I think we forget this and are way to hard on ourselves. Like if we go out with our friends and have an awesome time, but feel like the pictures taken that night are blah it shouldn't matter, our friends, family all the people who love us love us FOR us. Life is about memories, not about how we look, when we are 80 looking at the photos from our 25th birthday party it won't be "look at hot fat i was" or "that dress was horrible" it will be "look at how young we were and how happy we were". I am constantly stressing about imaginary back fat ( I always ask does my back look fat in this, and it never does) but it doesn't matter. To the people who love me I am beautiful, my friends and loved ones are just as beautiful to me. Perfection is boring and overrated, true beauty lies in our flaws. So lets embrace our past, be proud of our accomplishments, know that our true beauty comes from the inside not the outside, be healthy and always go strong not matter what!
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