So being thinner opens up all kinds of new doors (now that I can actually FIT through a door mind you). One of those is active dating. Now i dated when I was bigger, had men that loved me and that I loved, heck I almost got married, but dating when you're really big is different than when you date thinner. I think really big girls are sure of two things when we date, one lots of guys will sleep with us but not take us out in public and two if they do take us out in public this means he REALLY likes us.
Now I'm not skinny yet, don't get me wrong, but I am becoming what my mom lovingly calls more "normal sized" (the average pants size in the United States for a woman is a 14, i am currently a 16 go me!) and more men are attracted to me. Great! Right? Maybe? um hmmm.. I'm not so sure. Dating now is WAY more confusing than it has ever been in my life.
Now I go out on a really great first date (or dozens) and I think "wow we are totally hitting it off, we're out in public (400 pound girl train of thought) he must like me" and then I don't sleep with him and he never calls again, I'm left thinking "wait we had dinner, a walk on the beach, a great kiss, whats wrong here?" I'm learning the smaller I get the less up front men are about their motives in seeing me. When I was big, a guy would be like "hey I wanna have sex with you but no I can't take you around my friends" now they take me around their friends hoping, I guess, to impress me into bed, and when it doesn't work they don't call (or occasionally it works and then it doesn't last for whatever reason and rarely do they give a freaking reason).
Now I'm confused when I get dumped. Recently a guy I really cared about dumped me, we had been seeing each other awhile (like nine months) but i was convinced he didn't want to be seen in public with me. I never asked, because honestly what big girl wants rejection. Well I get to the size I am now and he leaves me for a girl bigger than me and I'm left confused. Because the only reason a man might not want me is my weight. Right? Wrong, and I'm slowly learning that. Everyone always said beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I gotta say i was kind of convinced that no one would ever REALLY love me at 400 pounds and once I dropped it magically everyone would love me. I was so wrong on both accounts.
So I've learned dating sucks, at any weight, being smaller is not making it any easier. Sure there are more men attracted to me, but not necessarily more good men. So now I guess I gotta kiss even more frogs to find my prince? But goodness frogs are slimy, and here's to hoping my prince is worth all the icky, gooey frogs.
Laura, wow! what a revelation to share with others. You have something here that could be published. I have no doubt! I think you have hit the nail on the head! I want you to love yourself and be healthier because it might mean that your life will be a better quality. Don't worry about the guys that don't call back. The right one will love you for yourself, but you have to realize what value you are and love yourself first. The most attractive person is the one that is confident and comfortable with herself. Give yourself time to bloom in your own garden! I discovered a long time ago that I had rather be alone and free than trapped in a bad relationship. Celebrate yourself and remember you are priceless! Mrs. Coleman
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